Hey guys! It's Monday, time for another edition of Monday on My Mind. Today on my mind, my relationship with money. I have a horrible relationship with money. But not, I suppose, in the way people normally have horrible relationships with money.
I come from a "doctor-lawyer-bank manager" culture. Put simply, if you have the means to enter one of the high-flying professions it's what you should do. I went to the top school on the island. People automatically expect me to be the top of everything. If I wanted to be a hairdresser, that would be a "waste" because I could do "better".
Thing is I don't care about money. I can't do something I'm not enjoying no matter how much it pays. When I'm not loving life I feel like I'm always 2 seconds from jumping off a bridge. This leads me into the noble pure-hearted territory of only doing things I'm inclined towards.
Unfortunately it also leads me into the territory of not saving a cent. There's always something that I can buy to help me love life. And money sitting in a bank account is nothing but a number on a paper. $100 in the Amazon store is 10 stories that will keep me smiling for at least a month - and if I'm lucky there'll be agem in there that I'll read for years to come.
Weighing the present against the future is also an issue for me. I daydream about the future a lot, but in a fuzzy, abstract way. It's hard for me to do practical things for that fuzzy, abstract future. Like I can save to go to a conference in a year's time, but I can't just save for a rainy day.
It can be stressful, living the way I do. I work for decent money. But there are some months where I cut it pretty close. There have been a few months where ramen was the food of choice. I needed to do something, and in order to squeeze it out of that month's paycheck, I had to cut all the corners. Heaven forbid I ever have to do anything that will involve more than 1 month's pay.
I stress myself a lot more than I need to over money. I can stress over money that I won't need from years. You'd think that would make me save it. You'd be wrong. Sometimes I wish I could live in a world that didn't involve money. A world where I could happily go to work and my employer or someone else would take care of the bills, and all I'd have to do is show up.
There are a few good side effects of my relationship with money. Not being attached to it, I'm more likely to give it away. If a friend is in need, and I have it, and it's not doing anything, then I don't mind giving it away. (I'm just being honest here, but even saying that feels a bit boastful.) I'm not materialistic.I focus more on the doing than the having. I don't assign values to myself or others based on money. I don't have loans, because I hate money hanging over my head, and generally prefer not to have something, than to have to think constantly about how to pay someone back.
Still, I know I need to whip my money relationship into shape. At this rate, the only way I'll ever own a house is to win the lottery. Although, if we're being honest (and we always are here at POC), I'd rather own a ship and travel the world.
How about you? How are you with money?
I LOVE this post! I always love money posts, especially from women, and especially when they're realistic. (Don't you just hate those "I made so much money doing blah blah blah" blogs?)
ReplyDeleteI hear you girl; I also went to the best school on the island (and my island I mean the 48 contiguous states) and my parents just about died in shame that I was artistic instead of lawyerly. My fellow graduates are bajillionaires while I could go on food stamps. It's a difficult thing to stomach, but nothing I can do about it - like you, I just have to do what I love to do and I just have to have a good life.
I don't like spending money. I like the idea of the things I could have (mostly of the house with furniture and art variety), but when it comes time to pay, I always feel like I should be hoarding it. Don't ask me for what-- presumably the house and furniture I don't have.
ReplyDeleteIf we're being honest here, I'm totally spoiled. My parents have good jobs, so I grew up quite comfortable (aka spoiled). And now I have a good job and my husband has an even better job. And I really like having a large disposable income, because I'm spoiled.
ReplyDeleteThere is a big part of me that wants to someday quit my day job and only write, but making a lot of money as a writer is very hard to do. So I envy you. I wish I wasn't such a spoiled brat, and that it was easier to let go of the matierial I wants and embrace the cognative I wants.