Wednesday, November 18, 2009

What you want?

Well, it's day 18 of my month-long challenge. I have 21,800 words, which is about 8,200 words behind or 5 days. It's still doable at this point.

I hate and love nanowrimo. For all the bad that paople have ot see about seat-of-your-pants writing, I don't think I could complete a novel without it. Not that I'm not committed to writing. It's just that I'm a post-perfectionist. I always think that anything I've done is not as good as it could be. Normally it takes long enough for this to occur, that it's after the fact (hence, POST-perfectionist), but a novel is an endeavour that requires such a large length of time, that I would give up on myself several times before I could complete it.

I can't remember how many novels I've started. Maybe 15 or so. And I only completed my first for nano last year. To be honest, I haven't edited yet. It's not that I feel like it's a piece of crap entirely. I think I'm afraid of success. Have you ever been on the brink of something you really want? What if you give it your best shot and it's not enough. What do you do then? When you only really have one dream, is anything else really good enough? Sometimes it's easier never to try, and always be able to say, "Maybe I could have", than to go for it and miss.

But then is life really worth it, if you don't live? Ask yourself, "What you want?"

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