Monday, February 20, 2012

It's Okay

I am awesome.

I don't mean that in a conceited way, but I have done a good set of things that make people go, "Wow!" I gave a presentation on Saturday, and some friends brought up the fact that I speak 5 languages and that my last job before teaching was as a submarine co-pilot. I've seen 6 continents, and 12 US states -- probably more than the average American. And, of course, most Westerners think it's super-cool that I currently live in Japan.

But sometimes, more often than you'd think, I wish I had the picket fence life. The husband.The house. The 2.5 kids. (I do have a son. He's awesome and brilliant.) The summer vacations. The 2-car garage.

Sometimes it's hard to deal with the fact that I'm not committed enough to have any of those things. I will probably never own a house, because what would I do with it, when I traipse off to another country for 6 months of the year? Ditto the car, and the husband.

Sometimes I get angry with myself for knowing I am not that person and still wanting those things. It's a waste of energy, daydreaming about these things I can't possibly have, these things that would make me miserable in under a year. Unfortunately, knowing doesn't stop me from wanting.

But then there are rare occasions when I accept it. I accept that I will never be that person. I accept that I want things I can't maintain. I accept that I am who I am.

On those days, it's okay.

It's Monday, that's what's on my mind.


Marsha Sigman said...

Believe me...those of us on the other side of that fence are dreaming about your life and accepting our own limitations as well.ha

And you are awesome. Not conceit. Just fact.

Asia Morela said...

I wanted to say exactly what Marsha did! I think it's universal to sometimes wonder "what if" and regret that we can't be what we're not... Being within or without the norm doesn't make it different.

I'd say most of the time I want both types of lives at the same time. That is why I write... I know I'll never be able to experience everything, but if I can do it through my characters, then it's okay. ;)

Sidrah said...

I go through this now and then, and imagine am only 21! (but this is how it is in our country. Girls 'settle down' early). Then one morning I get up and am just glad. Life is too short to be tied down. There is a right time for everything. Eventually all the pieces will fall into place.

Btw The Veil by Cory Putman, a YA novel, is great. Am sure you'll like it.