I am awesome.
I don't mean that in a conceited way, but I have done a good set of things that make people go, "Wow!" I gave a presentation on Saturday, and some friends brought up the fact that I speak 5 languages and that my last job before teaching was as a submarine co-pilot. I've seen 6 continents, and 12 US states -- probably more than the average American. And, of course, most Westerners think it's super-cool that I currently live in Japan.
But sometimes, more often than you'd think, I wish I had the picket fence life. The husband.The house. The 2.5 kids. (I do have a son. He's awesome and brilliant.) The summer vacations. The 2-car garage.
Sometimes it's hard to deal with the fact that I'm not committed enough to have any of those things. I will probably never own a house, because what would I do with it, when I traipse off to another country for 6 months of the year? Ditto the car, and the husband.
Sometimes I get angry with myself for knowing I am not that person and still wanting those things. It's a waste of energy, daydreaming about these things I can't possibly have, these things that would make me miserable in under a year. Unfortunately, knowing doesn't stop me from wanting.
But then there are rare occasions when I accept it. I accept that I will never be that person. I accept that I want things I can't maintain. I accept that I am who I am.
On those days, it's okay.
It's Monday, that's what's on my mind.