Monday, March 26, 2012

Life block

Well, I put my mouth on it. That's Bajan for "to jinx something by speaking about it." A couple weeks ago, I posted about writers block. And I said, that I believed it was like pain. It existed if you said it did. But for me, personally, I was unlikely to have writers block. I was more likely to get a life block.

Hello, self-fulfilling prophecy.

What's life block? Well, seeing as I just invented the term, the definition is still a little un-refined. But it is to life what writers block is to writing. I'm back to having little or no desire to do things. The weird thing is I know somewhere in myself that I do want things. I just don't actively want them now.

That's confusing, huh? I guess it's like watching a movie about a character you don't care about. You know with your brain that things are important. And maybe you even feel that they are. But you don't really care about them.

I haven't written in quite a while. I don't go anywhere, other than to the reggae events that I'm invited to. I'm not studying my Japanese. I'm not working towards my TEFL certificate. But the bit that really scares me is that I've stopped reading. I mean, I am reading. The Old Testament (started as a Lent project, but going to stretch far beyond) and the occasional writing craft book. But I have only read like 2 fiction books this year. This from someone who read 100+ last year. And the worst part is that, right now, I have no desire to read them.

As usual, I'm trying to dig my way out on my own. (As opposed to pestering the psychiatrist.) It may just be a simple matter of stagnation. I've been at this job, in this house, in this country for almost 4 years. And that's about a year longer than I tend to do anything. I think it might just be time to shake it up with some change. Right now, the temptation is to learn Portuguese. It's actually a 10 year-old temptation, which I usually ignore due to the fact that I "made friends" in Portugal with 1 word of actual Portuguese and an entire arsenal of Spanish. But Brazil and Portuguese came up 5 or 6 times in one day, and I feel like that's some sort of omen or cosmic hint.

Anyway, I hope it's just stagnation. Because that's an easy fix. Plus, my last year in Japan starts in August. I think I'll be too busy cataloguing all my "lasts" to be bothered about the fact that I'm doing the same thing for the 5th year in a row.

How about you guys? Anybody else ever suffer from "life block?"


E.J. Wesley said...

I think we all go through phases with the things we love. I believe that's what keeps the passion going. Absence and all that.

After over 100 last year (!) you probably just need a reading recharge. You may never read at that pace again, then again you just might.

Also, you might already be mourning your last year in country? Saying goodbye (especially for folks who move about a lot) can a be a difficult thing to reconcile if you've truly grown fond of the place/people.

Like most things, I'm sure time will bring you relief from whatever is causing the life block.

Marsha Sigman said...

I'm kind of having a blah last few weeks myself. But I think you and I take things to the extreme sometimes so it's bound to knock us off our feet every once in a while. You'll dig out!!!

And I tagged you on my blog. Deal with my love.ha

Asia Morela said...

I know what you mean! I feel like that just right now. Useless, unproductive, and without much energy or willpower to do better.

When I was younger I used to get very depressed at times. I don't have that anymore (which is good), but instead, I have these "life blocks" when I want to disappear in a hole and not deal with anything or anyone for a while.

Hope we both find our way out of this soon!