Sana!! (Also very interesting and detailed comment.)
I really enjoyed all the comments to this post, and as a YA writer, I think it's a treasure trove of things to write about. :)
So I'm supposed to write a "Scaredy-Cat" post every Thursday. I missed last week due to the cold, and my 4 presentations. But I'm back. Today's fear:
This probably sounds crazy, but I'm afraid of going home. There are lots of reasons, and I'd like to share them (brutally) honestly with you today.
BEING A MOTHER
All my Super-Mummy readers are probably puzzled by this. If I go home it means being a mother to my 7 year old son. It's weird to admit publicly that I'm scared of that, because Mummy's are supposed to be invincible creatures that will overturn 10-ten trucks to free their babies. That's not me.
Somehow, for the majority (if not all) of my son's life, my parents have been his main care-takers. For the first 3 years, I was in university. Then I was working 2 jobs and had no car- which involved a crap ton of ungodly hours, including getting home at 1 am two mornings a week. Then I moved to Japan. I considered bringing him, but from a practical standpoint, there are 2 things in the way. The fact that my house is sub-zero (celcius) for half the year. And the fact that he doesn't speak Japanese.
Additionally, I kind of don't feel very motherly. My nature is such that I'd rather do fun things than practical things. If money weren't an obstacle, we'd be gallivanting all over the world. It's probably not the best idea for a child to spend every year in a different country because his mother felt like. This sort of attitde extends in less disruptive ways to everything in my life. I don't feel very adult. I don't act very adult. I don't know what that will do to a child.
Finally (for this point at least), I struggle with being a single mother. For a million reasons, I believe in the institution of marriage. And from a practical standpoint - namely that I suck at being practical- and an emotional standpoint- I still feel guilty about a child out of wedlock- it's a hard thing for me to handle.
I've gotten very used to living on my own. I make my own hours. I leave crap where I feel like. I I've gotten used to my mother nagging me for an hour max and then hanging up the Skype and going to sleep.
All of that will change when I go home. Thanks to the way I live, I'm in no position to be on my own. Especially when you factor in not having (and not really wanting) a car, and single parenthood. And I really don't want to deal with the "joys" of living at home again.
NOT MEASURING UP
The unfortunate side effect of going to the top school on the island is that most of my friends have masters and PhDs, are doctors, lawyers, chartered accountants, and make a boatload of money. I, on the other hand, am a broke teacher (for now) with a BA. I love my friends, and I know they love me back, but sometimes, it hurts to think about who they are, and how far they've gotten in life.
Out here (or in any other corner) of the world, I don't have to think about it.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm amazing. (And modest.) I know lots of people think that me speaking 5 languages is cool. And wish they could have seen 6 continents as well. And that living in Japan is a dream lots of people will never acheive. And I know that even though I'm not very far along on my writing journey, I've published a few shorts and that's something.
But I'm not at all traditional. Being here allows for that. Being home doesn't really. It just reminds me how short I fall by tradtional standards...
Today's giveaway is the October Edition- a collection of YA novels released this month.
Today's giveaway is open until 11.59 pm EST on Thursday.
Don't forget, the only chance at tomorrow's crazy grab bag, is to send a list of 10 book for the 100 books every writer should read.