Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Coming out!

No, I'm not a lesbian. (Don't believe in it, but that's my decision for me, and everybody's gotta make their own decisions for themselves.)

Today's post is about secrets.

The weird thing is that I generally don't keep secrets. Things in my past which could be considered blackmail material are all out there in the open. On facebook, even. And yes, I know what they say about putting too much of yourself on facebook, and all, but that's me. Quite frankly, a job that can't handle the things I've done or who I am, is not a job for me. Sounds like a bunch of BS, but it's true. I am who I am, and I don't do well pretending not to be.

So I generally don't keep secrets. And the secrets I do keep, make no sense as secrets.

I'm overweight. Well, if you want the down and dirty truth, I'm obese. I don't look it. My skin is firm and I've got a crap ton of muscle in my body. But, I'm still way heavier than I should be. Obviously, I can't keep my body a secret. It's not like I can leave it at home, and go about my daily life without it.

But for the last few years, I've been working out off and on - trying to do something about it. I'm a lot less concerned with looks than most girls - or most boys for that matter - so that's not my main motivation. I'd just like not to be defined by my size. Not to have to only shop in specific stores. To be able to play a game of soccer in my spare time. (This might also require a little more coordination, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. ) Not to be out of breath from running up two flights of stairs.

So, every once in a while, I decide I'm going ot get my butt in gear, and I start working out. ( I never diet. I don't believe in ridiculous diets. All meat or all carbs, etc, I don't think that's good for you. On top of that, I eat moderately healthy. I don't overeat. I don't like cheesecake or chocolate cake, and I'm not big on ice cream and a lot of the other things I hear people freaking out about. I have a healthy relationship with food, and I not trying to ruin that by making food my enemy.) So my entire weight loss strategy is to work out.

And somehow, that is a secret. When I was at home, none of my friends knew I was working out, until it was clearly visible. Here, I workout in my back room, to muted exercise vids, so my neighbours won't hear. Recently, however, they came over right after a workout. I was sweaty and wearing a net shirt and shorts. My next-door neighbour asked if I'd been playing soccer. I told him I was working out.

And so the cat was out of the bag. But, later that same evening I realised how easier it is that way. I mean, how hard would it be to feed your cat or change the litterbox, if it lived in a bag? Before I could only work out at times I was sure the neighbours wouldn't hear me or disturb me. Now I won't feel funny every time exercise comes up. Have you ever noticed when you're trying not to talk about something, it crosses your path a million times a day?

And the best part of not having a secret? There is no fear that someone will find out. Whether something is good or bad, making it a secret makes it bigger and worse than it is. Who knows? The very same people you were hiding from might actually be really supportive.

That's what's on my mind this Monday. Or at least, what's in my closet. What skeletons are in yours?


Buffy Andrews said...

Good luck with working out. I think it's great. Love who you are. Be proud of who you are. I think eating healthy and working out is a great combination that will certainly lead to the results you want. And often when I work out, I work through parts of my WIP. There's something about exercising that works for me, allows my mind to wander and thoughts and ideas sort of just pop into it that might not otherwise. Anyway, good luck with everything.

Regina said...

I have a closet that contains different things. I do yoga. It does help clear my mind and opens the possibility of finding new ideas when your mind stops all the chattering when you meditate. Not many people know that I love yoga and the effects that it has for me and my sanity.

Marsha Sigman said...

I wish I could leave about 10 pounds of my ass at home when I go out.lol

I do not have any secrets...that I remember anyway. I do not tell a lot of people that I write because it turns into a wierd thing...more often than not pity over my chances of being published.

I think thats it. BTW: You are beautiful just as you are!

ElbieNy25 said...

Secrets have a way at gnawwing away at you from the inside like a parasite. For the most part I am an open book which seems to scare a lot of folks.

So then I reel it back in...

Claire Dawn said...

Thank you all.

Marsha, you always make me laugh.

Laura, I know exactly what you mean.

Neil Alvin said...

I have a secret, I don't particularly like people. I blend and network because that's life but if given the choice, I would be alone. :)

Claire Dawn said...

That is shocking considering I'd been hearing about you so long before I met you. There's a lot more to you than meets the eye, huh?

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