Coming out!

No, I'm not a lesbian. (Don't believe in it, but that's my decision for me, and everybody's gotta make their own decisions for themselves.)

Today's post is about secrets.

The weird thing is that I generally don't keep secrets. Things in my past which could be considered blackmail material are all out there in the open. On facebook, even. And yes, I know what they say about putting too much of yourself on facebook, and all, but that's me. Quite frankly, a job that can't handle the things I've done or who I am, is not a job for me. Sounds like a bunch of BS, but it's true. I am who I am, and I don't do well pretending not to be.

So I generally don't keep secrets. And the secrets I do keep, make no sense as secrets.

I'm overweight. Well, if you want the down and dirty truth, I'm obese. I don't look it. My skin is firm and I've got a crap ton of muscle in my body. But, I'm still way heavier than I should be. Obviously, I can't keep my body a secret. It's not like I can leave it at home, and go about my daily life without it.

But for the last few years, I've been working out off and on - trying to do something about it. I'm a lot less concerned with looks than most girls - or most boys for that matter - so that's not my main motivation. I'd just like not to be defined by my size. Not to have to only shop in specific stores. To be able to play a game of soccer in my spare time. (This might also require a little more coordination, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. ) Not to be out of breath from running up two flights of stairs.

So, every once in a while, I decide I'm going ot get my butt in gear, and I start working out. ( I never diet. I don't believe in ridiculous diets. All meat or all carbs, etc, I don't think that's good for you. On top of that, I eat moderately healthy. I don't overeat. I don't like cheesecake or chocolate cake, and I'm not big on ice cream and a lot of the other things I hear people freaking out about. I have a healthy relationship with food, and I not trying to ruin that by making food my enemy.) So my entire weight loss strategy is to work out.

And somehow, that is a secret. When I was at home, none of my friends knew I was working out, until it was clearly visible. Here, I workout in my back room, to muted exercise vids, so my neighbours won't hear. Recently, however, they came over right after a workout. I was sweaty and wearing a net shirt and shorts. My next-door neighbour asked if I'd been playing soccer. I told him I was working out.

And so the cat was out of the bag. But, later that same evening I realised how easier it is that way. I mean, how hard would it be to feed your cat or change the litterbox, if it lived in a bag? Before I could only work out at times I was sure the neighbours wouldn't hear me or disturb me. Now I won't feel funny every time exercise comes up. Have you ever noticed when you're trying not to talk about something, it crosses your path a million times a day?

And the best part of not having a secret? There is no fear that someone will find out. Whether something is good or bad, making it a secret makes it bigger and worse than it is. Who knows? The very same people you were hiding from might actually be really supportive.

That's what's on my mind this Monday. Or at least, what's in my closet. What skeletons are in yours?